Growth & Forgiveness

Growth & Forgiveness
I’ve been the sole caregiver for my mother for many, many years more recently for the past four years consistently, during that time I’ve been a full time single mother to my teenage son, I’ve been working and a volunteer as a mentor full time, I’ve also been a full time graduate student…..One of many of my goals for this blog is to be able to grow from my experiences and at some point in time have forgiveness. My growth is that I try to acknowledge the guilt and regret that I have in regards to my role as “caregiver”.
Forgiveness….so many thing I ask forgiveness for on a daily basis. Forgiveness for missing the person (my mother) used to be, funny, smart, energetic, INDEPENDENT and STRONG. Not, that she is none of these things any longer, because she always will be but on a very different level, I wish I had that person to go today when I need a break. I sometimes feel as each day goes by I no longer recognize the person she once was and only see what she now is….which sometimes is like another child I am raising. I ask forgiveness for thinking that I am a horrible person when I have thoughts of “when is she going to leave this world, and also the thoughts of what if I’m in this situation of a sole caregiver to her forever”. These thoughts immediately after they pop in my head do I start wishing, hoping and praying those thoughts away. I do not want to have any regrets about this time in my life, I want to cherish each and every day with her because I know one day she will not be with us, that is my guilt that I carry with me every day.
Again, I’d like to thank those blogger's out there in the world who have commented and or has learned something from this blog and even if you got the feeling of “I am not alone” that is all I can ask for. Thank you all for understanding and reading 