Thanksgiving

My hopes are high and positive that this will be a wonderful Thanksgiving, that my mother will not get ill and that she will be able to spend it at home this year and that we make good memories this holiday.

7 Signs of Caregiver Burnout

This was posted on the Mayor's Website in Denver Colorado

Taking care of someone twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week is demanding, stressful and difficult. It is no wonder, therefore, that caregivers suffer a high rate of burnout. How do you recognize caregiver burnout in yourself? Experts have determined that there are seven signs of caregiver burnout. If you are experiencing one or more of these, you may be at risk for burnout.

1. Loss of appetite or other eating disorders

Are you eating less? Eating more? Losing or gaining weight? Eating junk foods? Skipping meals?

2. Overly emotional

Do you begin to cry unexpectedly or at inpopportune times? Do you laugh at things that aren’t funny? Are you overly sensitive to the comments of others?

3. Feeling overwhelmed

Do you wake up in the morning wondering how you are going to get through the day? Do you feel like tasks are accumulating, and you will never be able to catch up?

4. Withdrawal

Are you beginning to withdraw into yourself, and away from the world? Are you tending to bottle emotions up inside of yourself? Are you avoiding confronting people—either your care recipient or others?

5. Isolation from peers

Have you stopped participating in activities that you once enjoyed? Are you avoiding the phone calls or other friendly social advances of others? Are you making excuses for not seeing people?

6. Losing focus at work

Are you unable to concentrate on your job? Do you find yourself taking excessive time worrying about nonjob-related things? Do you take excessive time off from work to attend to the needs of your care recipient? Has your boss mentioned that you don’t seem as focused as you once did?

7. Lack of interest in appearance

Have you stopped buying clothes for yourself? Stopped getting regular haircuts? Lost interest in looking your best?

Everyone in a caregiving role is likely to experience some of these things at one time or another. Ask yourself if the warning signs are debilitating, making your life seem impossible. If so, you may very well be experiencing caregiver burnout, and you may want to seek professional help. A doctor, therapist or social worker will help you recognize what you can do to make yourself feel better, to take better care of yourself, and to meet the challenges of caregiving once again with an open heart and mind.

Time & Holidays

Things for now have been looking up, I’m not sure if it is because I just haven’t had the time at home that I usually do because of my new work/school deadlines, but it’s as though she (my mother) knows that this is not the time nad is not as demanding as usual, however my confusion with her since she began living here with me is that we know that by October 31st which ultimately is the start of “flu season” that she has to be EXTRA careful because of the last three or four years our experience has been that she ALWAYS ends up in the hospital missing out on Thanksgiving and Christmas, so as she was sitting outside handing out candy for Halloween I was watching her with such amazement and anger all at the same time, does she not realize that when she is in the hospital she is missing out on some wonderful family home time for the holidays which in turn means that my son and I are also missing out on that time, does she not care, does she enjoy the attention that it gets her when she is in the hospital during the holidays, I wonder sometimes, but I also used this as a tool, a tool to encourage her to keep her health in the best possible shape during the holidays, I told her that if she did end up in the hospital this year for the holidays that she would be spending it alone, I would NOT be spending another holiday in the hospital again and she would be the only person to blame if she did end up in there. She came in immediately from handing out candy and she has been taking care of herself ever since. Its amazing what a little fear will do to a person.

A Prayer

A Prayer for the Caregiver
by Bruce McIntyre

Unknown and often unnoticed, you are a hero nonetheless.
For your love, sacrificial, is God at his best.
You walk by faith in the darkness of the great unknown,
And your courage, even in weakness, gives life to your beloved.

You hold shaking hands and provide the ultimate care:
Your presence, the knowing, that you are simply there.
You rise to face the giant of disease and despair,
It is your finest hour, though you may be unaware.

You are resilient, amazing, and beauty unexcelled,
You are the caregiver and you have done well!

How??

How can this woman who gave life to me, make me feel like I'm trapped in some mental institution with no way out? I can totally understand why some people fake their own death, to start a new life, for whatever reason, the thought of leaving one day just walking out the door and never looking back brings such great joy to my thoughts, you have no idea. I can sit here and actually feel the love that I have for her, the energy for life drain out of me....what kind of life is this?

Great Support Websites

www.caregiver.com
www.caps4caregivers.org
www.dailystrength.org (THIS IS MY FAVORITE)
www.caregiver.org

Growth & Forgiveness

Growth & Forgiveness
I’ve been the sole caregiver for my mother for many, many years more recently for the past four years consistently, during that time I’ve been a full time single mother to my teenage son, I’ve been working and a volunteer as a mentor full time, I’ve also been a full time graduate student…..One of many of my goals for this blog is to be able to grow from my experiences and at some point in time have forgiveness. My growth is that I try to acknowledge the guilt and regret that I have in regards to my role as “caregiver”.
Forgiveness….so many thing I ask forgiveness for on a daily basis. Forgiveness for missing the person (my mother) used to be, funny, smart, energetic, INDEPENDENT and STRONG. Not, that she is none of these things any longer, because she always will be but on a very different level, I wish I had that person to go today when I need a break. I sometimes feel as each day goes by I no longer recognize the person she once was and only see what she now is….which sometimes is like another child I am raising. I ask forgiveness for thinking that I am a horrible person when I have thoughts of “when is she going to leave this world, and also the thoughts of what if I’m in this situation of a sole caregiver to her forever”. These thoughts immediately after they pop in my head do I start wishing, hoping and praying those thoughts away. I do not want to have any regrets about this time in my life, I want to cherish each and every day with her because I know one day she will not be with us, that is my guilt that I carry with me every day.
Again, I’d like to thank those blogger's out there in the world who have commented and or has learned something from this blog and even if you got the feeling of “I am not alone” that is all I can ask for. Thank you all for understanding and reading 

Technical Difficulties

I just wanted to send a quick update before I submit my next post, I have been having some major technical difficulties in running and or reviewing any "comments" that anyone may be making, these difficulties have been fixed and from this point forward I hope that I receive "comments" and will be able to post them. Thank you!

Passages...New Passages

Gail Sheehy, AARP Care giving Ambassador, has a great book out "New Passages: Mapping your life across time" its a sequel to "Passages", another great book. AARP has some very interesting articles about care giving.

The day is looking better :)

I'm only half way through the day and this blog already has provided so much stress relief I can't even explain. I would like to share that I love my mother dearly and I thank god every day that she is here with me, because honestly I'd rather have her here even if she and her health are taking a toll on my mental and physical health than not have her here with me in this world at all, she is everything to me and my son and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that I don't love her, I do with all of my heart its just the circumstances that we are in that create the negative that I have to deal with and go through so that is where this blog and everyone's comments will help me become a better care giver, mother, daughter and friend. So thank you to everyone who participates.
side note: I will be posting local Phoenix Az, locations like library's for example that have program's for older adults, as well as community programs that will also help in the responsibility of being a care giver to a parent.
Thank you again :)

In the beginning....

I apologize for not starting off the blog with a bit of history. I am in my early not yet mid 30's I am a single parent and have one sibling. I have been elected and or chosen to take on the responsibility years ago to care of my mother. Now, I'd like to first start with, I love my mother dearly she has made me a strong individual and has supported every decision that I've made for myself weather she agrees with it or not, I know that she supports me no matter what. With that said, years ago I can't even remember the exact date she had a heart attack and at the time she was living in a very rural area, when the Doctors explained that with her heart disease, diabetes and other problems it would be a good idea for her to relocate to a major metropolitan city, for the mere fact that there are several "trauma hospitals" in the area to pick from should something happen again. Well, long story short I being the youngest of her two kids and let's be honest the only one capable mentally to handle such a situation, was elected to bring her with me to the city, I hadn't realized then but I was going to take the journey or responsibility all on my own, no help in sight from what I now call "her family", because now where I sit today "my family" consists of my son, my mother, my boyfriend and a few friends I've made these last few years.....I don't know nor do I want to know where "her family" disappeared to during these years of taking care of her, all I know is they were no where to be found when I needed help with her.

That was many, many years ago and hours upon hours of what probably should have been a time where I should have sought "therapy". It’s been amazing having her with my son and myself because she is great and she is helpful most of the time, but I had no idea years ago what I was getting into and now that I think back and look where I am at today, yes I am able to say I've helped but not with the pride that I thought would be there, it’s more like I hide the frustration, anger and depression that taking care of her has caused, not to mention it has negatively affected my relationship with her, I don't see it every being what it used to be again. In my posts I hope to give you more insight to my background with her and my other family members and hope to hear any feedback from others who have either gone through the same experience and or are currently going through the same thing. For now, yesterday at the end of the day my hope was to be able to go home, do my homework, relax and try to unwind and get a snippet of rest..... It didn't happen, but there's always a change for it to happen today.

First Day of a path to Sanity

Today is my first day posting after creating this blog and there is so much to share and post about, but for now I'd just like to say.... I sit here at work and hope that when I get home that I don't have to "run errands", "clean up a tornado" or "deal with a drama filled conversation with my mother about my sister and whatever her or her son has done now"....Is that too much to ask for? I'd just like to get home and have my son say he is completely done with his home work and that my mother doesn't need me to go anywhere for her or sit and listen to her try to explain away whatever trouble my sister and or her son has gotten into now.